Comfort eating?
I don’t know if people are really noticing that I’m depressed or if it’s a sarcastic retort to something I say/said. I’ve been told by two people that I’m depressed… And I honestly don’t know. Am I? Look, I don’t want to be depressed. I don’t get up in the morning thinking “OOh, I’m so depressed, I don’t want to go to work”. In fact, I get up with exactly the opposite thoughts. I had an awesome week last week. I’m working on a brand new feature in my company’s software, and because I’m the only developer there (the others are on leave till next Monday) I get to work on this all by myself – which means I can pick and choose exactly where I want to start, and take my time about it. Well, sort of. So I’m HAPPY. I’m looking forward to finishing this feature myself, I’m looking forward to combining and refining the skills that I’ve learned so far, on this project. Yes, I’m HAPPY. I LIKE MY JOB. But something’s not right….
I’ve really been chowing down the droewors – literally – I’ve been nibbling on it whole day. In fact, whole WEEK. First I tried beef droewors…. it was ok, but not amazing. Then I tried kudu droewors – that was pretty nice. I liked it a lot. And I’ve been nibbling on dried mango and, dried guava and pistachio nuts. Today I decided I wanted something new – springbok droewors. I bought R40 worth – which was supposed to last whole day, but I guzzled it up by lunch time. With the R20′s worth of dried mango. That was my breakfast, brunch and lunch. I decided I didn’t like the springbok droewors, so I guzzled it up and went back at lunch time for more kudu droewors. In total – for today – I spent R80 on droewors and R40 on dried mango. Fruit and Veg must make a mint off me in biltong and dried fruit sales.
When I mentioned that I’d had so much food, I got a comment: “are you depressed? you’re comfort eating.”
That was said by the second person and it was said today. The first time was by someone just before christmas. I posted a blog about being the designated driver and not being able to “let go”
We had a family outing yesterday – it was a sunny day here in Cape Town and I’ll be damned if I sat indoors whole day. It was pleasant. The more time I spend around children the more I realise that I WANT CHILDREN. I WANT A SON! and I WANT A DAUGHTER! I want to have children. I want to have a family, and I want to play with my children!
I don’t want to be depressed – I really want to let this go and be happy and GO FOR IT! We’re on the waiting list for adoption, I’ve GOT to finish my masters this year, I wanna start LIFE! What do I have to do get “OVER IT!?”
Another thing is. I’m not hungry. I’m not craving any food. Granted I have stuffed myself silly already on droewors, but surely if one comfort eats then one must eat regardless of whether he/she is hungry or not? I don’t know!
Here are some pictures of Abdallah, Shamsiyah and DW (in the bride’s maid dress)
