An update
Wow, it’s been a long time since I last wrote. I went through a stage thinking it would be great if I revealed my ‘secret’ identity and put a face to the words. But then I realised, after I revealed all, that it’s much harder to write honestly and spill the beans on emotional stuff and that having a pen name or writing anonymously definitely has it’s benefits. Also, writing emo stuff all over the company blog kinda isn’t the way to go. Any way, that stage has passed and I’m getting back to writing. I’ll keep this blog raw and leave the clean programming stuff for my OTHER blog.
[Abbreviation: DW = "Dearest Wife"]
It’s been an interesting couple of months. There were times when I just felt like throwing in the towel and giving up – on more than one front: fertility, masters, marriage. everything. It’s funny how depression filters through you to the very core and affects Everything you do, all the while denying that you’re ever depressed. Here’s a brief summary.
On the masters front: I heard someone once say, getting your first degree is the best time of your life – but getting your masters is the worst. I don’t know how true that is but I for one can definitely agree with that. My masters is quite literally going down the drain. I just can’t find the strength to trudge through the stack of literature papers (I had to rewrite my litreview because my topic changed slightly). I seem to be much more interested in the company these days – there’s always so much exciting stuff going on; logo design, business cards (oOOoOO), mission statements, product packages, service catalogs, and I love it. it’s much more fun that slogging through a stack of papers writing that bloody litreview chapter. Anyway…
On the adoption front: I believe I wrote about how disappointed we (DW and I) were when we found out how “forgetful” Cape Town child welfare is. We got our call in Jan 2009 saying that we were accepted on the waiting list, and that CTCW would forward our profile to Durban (because CTCW’s Muslim waiting list was closed) so that we could source a child from Durban. But after two months (mid March) of checking the post everyday for our acceptance letter, we phoned Durban child welfare only to be told they never heard of us!! We phoned CTCW and they hadn’t bothered posting the acceptance letter, forwarding anything to Durban or even putting our names on the local list. So we were quite pi$$ed off. We made an appointment with Procare – a private adoption agency also based in Cape Town – and since then we’ve been busy with a scrap book and birth mother letter. On that front I’ll say that it’s been hard getting started with the scrapbook and letter: how does one ask the bmother oh so very nicely to please give us your baby… But we’ve started now and it looks like things are moving. DW gets quite moody when she sees how much more we have to do and that moodiness slows things down considerably. but anyhoo. I’m just glad we’re moving. I want DW to participate as much as possible in this process because I think It’ll help her get through this period of mourning.
On the marriage front: DW still isn’t through this period of mourning, understandably so. So things get a bit tense and heated when Aunt Flan comes. The significance of Aunt Flan coming is that no fertilization has occured, and that means no baby. Of course it’s going to take very long – if it’s possible at all - to get over the idea that you might never carry a baby, so I don’t expect this be gone any time soon. We did make some progress, but I’m not going to reveal what happened on this front just yet. But things are looking a bit better now.
Anyway, I will write more when I can.
Cheers.
